Again. Scared of going to bed, of images in my head.

Me and B. sleeping next to each other. Strong wind breaks the window. B. is injured by pieces of broken glass. Me helplessly looking at him.

A tree falls down on me, injured, can’t move. B. looking at me screaming and crying. Helpless. Forgets the way home.

B. getting terribly sick because he did not wear warm enough winter jacket. I can’t help him. I am left alone.

My neck and shoulders are tense. I have a desperate look in my face. Fear paralyzes me, prevents me to create anything. Sounds in my ears. Get louder. Louder then… My own breath. Then the wind outside.

It comes at night or when I am alone.

I am not able to find a cause. Political situation? Unanswered questions about future that will change my life? Movie which I watched? Tiredness?

I continue doing what I thought helped me before. Does not help now. Maybe did not help back then either. But then what did?

Heaviness on my chest. Rock pushing me down. Teardrops roll down my cheeks. Breath in… Breath out…

Exhaustion.

I try.