Sunny and warm days arrived and I went through our spring and summer clothes. I recalled that last summer I missed one particular hat for B. He has one that fits him well but when I washed it, we did not have a good enough replacement until it dried. So I decided to sew another one. However, the week happened to be a one with difficult situations and probably something has changed in B.’s mind and we did not adapt quickly enough to go through it calmly. So, this is how it went.

It started on Saturday when M. does not work and we have more family time. I looked up a sewing pattern for a pool party sun hat by Made By Jacks Mum which I purchased more than a year ago. As I have just found out Made By Jack’s Mum has re-branded to a new business name Waves & Wild and I cannot find that sewing pattern to link here.

First conflict

M. was cooking, B. was playing and I started to cut out summer hat pieces out of my old tank top. It was interrupted because it was almost a nap time, so we needed to clean up, eat snack and go to bed. I always rest or nap at nap time in order to make it to the evening. Saturday evening was dedicated to a family trip, on Sundays I write posts. Mondays and Tuesdays are very busy with household tasks and toy rotation.

Wednesdays are usually calmer and slower so I took out all the summer hat pieces I already cut out and checked which ones are missing. I was interrupted by B. several times so I started again. Then I pinned a pattern of a last piece on the main fabric and was interrupted again and again. I finally cut the last piece out and B. wanted something again. Then I brought a beige denim skirt from my fabric stash to cut the peak piece out of it. Until this point I was relatively calm.

I was considering where to pin the peak pattern on the denim skirt when B. came and seized the fabric of the floor. He started to run around and throw it. I tried to explain him that it is an old skirt which I am going to use to finish his new hat. Then he said he wants to wear the skirt. I said to myself: “OK, wear it for a little while, it is so big it will fall of you very quickly.” He was smiling and walking around in it and I was just waiting when he gives it back. “B., I need the skirt to finish your hat.” “No!” The skirt fell on the floor and he brought it to me. “Thank you.” SCREAM! Jumping. “Wear! Wear!” “No, B. I need it to finish the hat.” We were both pulling the skirt. I do not remember how, but somehow we went through it.

Second conflict

Then I cut out last pieces and started sewing. After few stitches B. decided he wants to join me, so I gave him instructions how he can join me – clean up the basket next to my desk and bring the learning tower to it. I went to clean up his hammering activity and coming back I hear my sewing machine. B. pressed the pedal and sewed through the hat piece.

I lost it: screamed, yelled, put everything away – the skirt, the hat pieces, the sewing machine, pins… Screaming B., pulling my clothes and trying to bite my thighs and buttock – wherever he could reach standing. Crying and desperately cleaning up sewing stuff I yelled: “I CANNOT DO ANYTHING!” I wanted him to join me, I gave clear instructions, I even helped him to join me as soon as possible. My effort was not enough, I was not fast enough. He even add work for me to do as I needed to fix the piece he just sewed through.

After I cleaned up and everything was safe and nothing could be damaged I rather lay in the bed, covered myself with blanket and cried. B. was laughing, jumping around me on the bed, snapping the door over and over. I was crying. Was he laughing, because he did not know what else to do as he did not understand what happened? Was he laughing because my sorrowful crying reminded him of laughter? Or was he laughing because he did understand his actions and behavior prevented me working on my thing and now he was “the ruler” here? Was he laughing maliciously because he knew his behavior partially caused I felt unworthy?

Atonement

Months ago I would probably be devastated by just a possibility of latter two options. Now, few minutes later I was able to continue in our day. We hugged and kissed. B. usually does not want to talk about difficult situations, he seems to be interested in playing instead. But I do not want to just let it go. I do want him to understand my actions. I do want to tell him that I (try to) understand motivation of his actions and that there were things I would like to do differently next time. And there always are! (Monika, switch off the sewing machine next time!)

I finished the hat on Thursday. It went smoothly, B. even helped me with sewing. There were interruptions and that is fine. The hat turned out really well. I slightly adjusted the peak so it does not cover eyes as much. I decorated the hat with a dandelion which my mother embroidered decades ago. Last year hat is decorated with a common poppy embroidery.

This was very difficult situation and it added to many others that happened before and after this one on that particular week. It is much more difficult to handle situations like this when there are so many and a recovery time is short, shorter then necessary…

Conclusion

• sewed object: summer hat
• fabric: old tank top and skirt
• tools: sewing machine, pins, scissors, flower embroidery
• sewing time: two hours
• days of sewing: three days
• days from start to finish: six days
• estimated time the project consumed of my life: one month